THE TIME TO BE HAPPY IS NOW, THE PLACE TO BE HAPPY IS HERE

A big realization from my time in Bolivia is that I was worried less about being away from home doing something important, and worried about that, and more just anxious and depressed about death. Specifically with my mother. But I can't let that keep me from living, or seeing the world. It brings something new into the relationship when I go away, and I can share it with her, places she's never seen or imagined. And if I were home doing nothing, just being constantly near her, then that becomes repetitive and it strains the relationship (sort of like now, not having a job!). It's like I missed the forest for the trees. Being homesick to me was less about being far away from this person, and it was more the realization that they will never live forever. And that's not something that I can change, close to her or far away. And I feel the same despair at that whether I am here or not.

It's not hard. But the bad thing is there's plenty of things that I won't miss. People that are unbearable to be so close to. But many great ones too that I just became better and better friends to. I'm lucky, but I'll be happy to live in a different home, one of my own. PC gives me the opportunity to be self-sufficient, and master of my own domain. Or is that just an illusion? Hard to say.

: (

But, to say it again: the time to be happy is now, the place to be happy is here. I'm glad I've had this summer. Hard to think that if I wasn't evacuated, I'd be in Bolivia still.