The next five years?

I told Cristina the past day how the things that I became passionate about at 20 have now become my normal life. The last time I saw her I was 20, and now its been five years. I made a list then of my five year goals, and have since internalized that person that I wanted to become and the dreams I made then have now become either finished or out of date. I self-actualized as much as I possibly could and am proud of what I accomplished. But those five years are up and now Im on the cusp of another five year period, one that is completely blank. Im still not officially a second year until Thanksgiving, but its strange to look to the last third of 2011 and not see anything clearly beyond that.

Im also aware that I've outgrown my goals and dreams and ambitions. My interests do not include simply doing the same things but bigger and better. I dont even know what that would be, or if it would be desirable. This then is the time to allow myself to be fluid and let the unexpected take root. I did this pretty easily when I was 19: I followed Wilson around, and I decided Shakira would be my role model. Most of the distinguishing characteristics of my life spring from those two things. And, it is Cristina that is the link between those two things. Even more, she's been the bridge between the person I was before and the person I am now. But she was not visible on the horizon when I decided those two things, she's more of a consequence that later became to influence me. When I decided those two things, I didnt have a passport. Five years later, I've been to 22 countries and joined Peace Corps twice.

Well, this is not something to decide tonite. In some ways, its not so much a decision as it is finding myself somewhere, allowing myself to drift to the untapped potential that I've yet to know. Its the feeling of doing new and different exercises, and only the next morning do you discover a new muscle, one that's super sore, that you didnt know existed because it had been dormant. Im sure some of the things will build from what I did before -- its important to conserve momentum. On my arms I have the two scars from my first Ironman. They are identical, and symmetrical. Two lines on the inside of my upper arm exactly where the sleeves of my black bicycle jersey ended. The scars are there from the 15 hours of continuous friction that those places received, my arms pumping at a leisurely but endless pace. Without them, you wouldnt know that I had done any such thing. And with sports, there's a very clear limit of when it stops being important : when you no longer have that Ironman body.

I suppose one thing in my next five years would be to start repaying the things that have been given to me. TO turn my direction in a more outward direction. Produce more than I consume. It would be the first time I ever were to do that.