One of my favorite discoveries in my reading

This is from letter 133 of Vincent Van Gogh to his brother Theo. It's just part -- if you see a copy of this book, it's worth picking up! To me, this fragment of a letter is exactly the way most Peace Corps volunteers feel 90 percent of the time.

July 1880

I am writing somewhat at random, writing whatever flows from my pen. I should be very happy if you could see in me something more than a kind of fainéant [ne'er-do-well]. For there is a great difference between one ne'er-do-well and another ne'er-do-well. There is someone who is an idler out of laziness and lack of character, owing to the baseness of his nature. If you like, you may take me for one of those. Then there is the other kind of idler, the idler despite himself, who is inwardly consumed by a great longing for action who does nothing because his hands are tied, because he is, so to speak, imprisoned somewhere, because he lacks what he needs to be productive, because disastrous circumstances have brought him forcibly to this end. Such a one does not always know what he can do, but he nevertheless instinctively feels, I am good for something! My existence is not without reason! I know that I could be a quite a different person! How can I be of use, how can I be of service? There is something inside me, but what can it be? He is quite another ne'er-do-well. If you like you may take me for one of those.

A caged bird in spring knows perfectly well that there is some way in which he should be able to serve. He is well aware that there is something to be done, but he is unable to do it. What is it? He cannot quite remember, but then he gets a vague inkling and he says to himself, “The others are building their nests and hatching their young and bringing them up,” and then he bangs his head against the bars of the cage. But the cage does not give way and the bird is maddened by pain. “What a ne'er-do-well,” says another bird passing by - what an idler. Yet the prisoner lives and does not die. There are no outward signs of what is going on inside him; he is doing well, he is quite cheerful in the sunshine.

But then the season of the great migration arrives, an attack of melancholy. He has everything he needs, say the children who tend him in his cage - but he looks out, at the heavy thundery sky, and in his heart of hearts he rebels against his fate. I am caged, I am caged and you say I need nothing, you idiots! I have everything I need, indeed! Oh! please give me the freedom to be a bird like other birds!

A kind of ne'er-do-well of a person resembles that kind of ne'er-do-well of a bird. And people are often unable to do anything, imprisoned as they are in I don't know what kind of terrible, terrible, oh such terrible cage.

I do know that there is a release, the belated release. A justly or unjustly ruined reputation, poverty, disastrous circumstances, misfortune, they all turn you into a prisoner. You cannot always tell what keeps you confined, what immures you, what seems to bury you, and yet you can feel those elusive bars, railings, walls. Is all this illusion, imagination? I don't think so. And then one asks: My God! will it be for long, will it be for ever, will it be for eternity?

Do you know what makes the prison disappear? Every deep, genuine affection. Being friends, being brothers, loving, that is what opens the prison, with supreme power, by some magic force. Without these one stays dead. But whenever affection is revived, there life revives. Moreover, the prison is sometimes called prejudice, misunderstanding, fatal ignorance of one thing or another, suspicion, false modesty.

But to change the subject - if I have come down in the world, you have in a different way come up in it. And if I have forfeited sympathy, you have gained it. I am glad of that, I say that it in all sincerity, and it will always give me pleasure. If you lacked seriousness or consideration, I would be fearful that it might not last, but since I think that you are very serious and very considerate, I tend to believe it will!

But if you could see me as something other than an idler (ne'er-do-well) of the bad sort, I should be very happy.

------

And a different and likewise good discovery

Comfort Corn Chowder

Two smaller potatoes
One onion
Other veggies as desired/available (celery, carrots, etc.)
A handful of macaroni pasta
Half a tin can of corn
Half of the larger -size jugs of milk in the blue package

Spices: I used Mrs Dash and Creole seasoning from home, but either Italian, curry powder or Ras El-Hanut would be good.

Dice the vegetables. Cook the onion in either butter or oil until it's translucent. Add a little flower, then add everything else all at once: veggies, milk and pasta. Bring it up to a boil and when the potatoes are done, then it is finished (15 minutes or so the first time I did it). Letting it cool some helps bring out the flavor-- but not too much! If you have very fine pasta, add it later than the other things.

This came from Jamie Oliver's site (Mr.'' Food Revolution'').

http://www.jamieoliver.com/us/recipes/vegetarian-recipes/corn-chowder

It's super easy, low in fat and high on feeling better-ness. Bon chance!